Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
