there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
It's never too late to be topless.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
i believe in u and ur pee
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
