i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
home. puking in laundry basket.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
