I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I've blown a few things in my day
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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