lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
how drunk are you?
Several
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
