Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
