hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
