I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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