so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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