I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
