Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
