Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
