it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
