we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
