Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
