u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
