I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Four minutes until I can fart!
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
