How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
