Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
