So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
only if we run a train.
done.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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