Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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