Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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