grandma shit on top of the toilet
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
