This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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