I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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