I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
