sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
