Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
