Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
this is an emotional support booty call
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
