tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Randomize
