Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
