I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
