I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
