She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
