just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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