I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
