Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
