so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
