oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
