you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
