Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
