i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
