I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
