Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
