you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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