I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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