More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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