i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
