My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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