So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
