I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
