lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
