He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
