I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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