I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
