thus making me awesome and them whores
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
