She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Can I color on your dick again?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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