So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
