why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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