First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
