So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
