We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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