I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
where are my eyebrows?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
