It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
