Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
